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Is it bad to be White?

Posted Jan 25, 2010. Filed under . 1 comment.

By the way, I fixed the comments so you can actually submit them now =)
It’s hard to even write this because I feel I’m being kind of racist, which is the very problem in the first place. But it seems that everyone is bashing the whites now and sure there is obvious racism towards African-Americans, Latino’s and so many others, but I feel like it’s all of my fault and I’m ashamed to be white. As a matter of fact, I can think of at least twelve occasions where I proudly announced I was also Native American and ignoring the fact that I was also French. To me, it seems like being White is such a horrible thing because of the acts my ancestors may, or may not have, done in the past. I even feel excluded in class because the majority of my class tend to make out Whites to be horrible as well and I know that I shouldn’t feel this way but I do.
I also feel like I have even less opportunities because although I have Native American blood in me, I’m also a white woman. There are no scholarships for college that you can get for being white. You don’t get bonus points on the state troop test for being white. As a matter of fact, it seems like there are much less opportunities for white men than I because being a woman often counts for something nowadays! Personally, I think that all people should have the same chance to reach a goal no matter what their skin color is. And the reason why I’m so proud to be Native American? Because it pushes aside the fact that I am white. I’m am so happy I don’t have blue eyes and instead I have brown eyes. I wish I had straight hair because for some reason when I think of Native Americans, they often have straight hair.
This obsession with becoming someone I’m not is only a result of the guilt I have for something I have never done; a result of my trying to put things right and heal the things that White people have done.
I’m sick of hating the fact that I’m White and I am in fact somewhat proud to be White because I am also French. I am proud of my grand parents and what they have done for my family. I’m proud of my parents who have struggled so hard to care for us, soon I will be going off to college. For once, I am Proud to be White; is there something wrong with that?

Becoming an Author

Posted Jan 16, 2010. Filed under . Leave a comment?

It’s weird having people comment on my writing and telling me it’s amazing when I say it’s not that great. My self-confidence always lacks, but I think that’s what makes me write the best I can, keeping a dictionary at my side while playing music that has no lyrics. It happens in art too; my teacher, Mr Sinclair seems adamant in his quest to show my artwork to the world -.-; I think to myself, ‘Oh, that’s no good…ah well, I’ll do better next time’ and everyone else is either staring over my shoulder or gawking at me like an idiot. For me it’s like, ‘That’s cool….didn’t know I was that good’ and everyone else is like ‘Your f******* amazing!’. I just sigh and try to ignore everyone xD That doesn’t mean I don’t like it, but it annoys me just a bit.

On the subject of writing, I joined this website, inkpop.com where you basically sign up and present your poetry, short stories and how far you are on your first, second or third book. You pretty much promote yourself on there, wondering if people will like your writing and hoping to dear God no one hates it. At least for some people anyways xD I don’t really wonder about that kind of stuff, I just want the feed back and I’ll take whatever comments come with it. =)

Besides joining inkpop.com I’m also working on what I’m calling The Abode of Snow and I might just make a website for all of my short stories and poems unless I want to post them here. I really want to promote my work under my pen name, although I might just put it here instead under my real name until that actually happens. I just think an author website would be swell =)

I’m hoping to win a few duels tomorrow when I go to a Yu-Gi-Oh! tournament in CT and I’m sure I will it’s just I don’t have money to pay for it xD Oh well, better luck next time I guess.

I hope to hear from your guys soon! I actually havent recieved any emails or anything like that for a while, but I think it’s because everyone is pretty busy huh? In any case if you want to chat my email is alyssaaquastar@aol.com. I also don’t mind helping out so if you need help with coding or using a certain image effect in Paint.NET I’m there =)

I Did My Homework?!!

Posted Jan 5, 2010. Filed under . Leave a comment?

Oh yeah, that’s right! I actually sat down and did my homework xD I know that’s pretty random, but it’s just a part of my successful day I’d like to share =) I’m feeling very motivated, which is a very good thing since I really thought I was going into my ‘I’m not doing crap because I don’t care’ stage again -.-’ I’m passing and all, I just don’t do my homework so it’s pretty cool to just sit down and do my homework. I think sitting around and doing nothing all vacation has made me want to do more work, which is really true but I’m starting to believe that’s it.

So the site has been down for a few days now, this is mainly thanks to myself not checking my host’s page when they notified everyone they were closing their site, and so I had to switch hosts. I don’t mind much, but it just took me a while to get everything back up and add a couple of things.

I added a short story I wrote, a legend really, but hey, it’s not that old xD I also added a butterfly banner that my grandmother absolutely adores and she is really happy to hear that I like using Photoshop Elements 8, but I can’t but think of how lucky I am to even have it, so I smiled and thanked her.

I’m downloading a whole bunch of music from the 90’s; songs I listened to when I was a small kid. If you guys have any suggestions on what to download or check out, I’d be happy to hear them since I listen to all kinds of music =) I actually downloaded some of Jesse McCartney’s older songs and now I have them added on my MP3 <3 I'm downloading more as we speak =)

I hope everyone had a great vacation and I plan to add more content soon! ^^